I Want It That Way
by futurerustfuture-dust
Summary: Darcy Lewis is a genius, though she already knew that. What she didn't know is how awesome an idea it was to have a talent show for all the Shield agents. Crack!fic


Truth be told Darcy hadn't expected the idea to go anywhere. Sure, she'd hoped and she'd thought it might be cool but honestly? Who wanted to do a talent show like they were a bunch of high schoolers trying to waste a Saturday night? Even Jane had laughed at the idea, telling her that it was a cute thought but she didn't think it'd catch on.

Well as it turned out at least fifty agents did, plus she'd sold over a hundred tickets as way of a fundraiser to purchase Phil a new set of ties (because the man had like, five. Seriously, it was called branching out.) Even Fury was coming, though Darcy had been shaking in her boots when he'd come up to her to ask for a ticket. She'd smiled all the same, hyperventilating only when he'd turned the corner and walked away, and reassured herself that he was just paying for the ticket to be nice, to show support for her idea.

Then he'd sat down next to her in the largest debriefing room the Headquarters had, the only place Darcy could find that would fit everyone as it resembled more of a high school auditorium than anything else, and she'd started freaking out a little bit again. She couldn't help it-he was cool and all but she'd been on the receiving end of one of his epic glares and she'd had nightmares about presenting bad paperwork to him and having to endure a lifetime of that. Never again.

"Sir," she grinned, faking bravado she knew he could see through in a second. At least he was a good enough person to ignore it.

"Agent Lewis. Seems like a bunch of people liked your idea," he smiled and clapped her on the back. She nearly spat out her gum.

"Yep," she squeaked. "Seems like they did. Who knew that a talent show would be such a success?" She asked. "I just wanted to see what everyone could do-because I don't really get a lot of field work and it'd be really cool to learn what kind of secret talents everyone has. I mean, we're a bunch of secret agents and everything, so it only makes sense that we've got secret talents."

And hers was apparently blabbering on long past time for her to shut up. She took the next look, the one she often saw him shoot Tony when he went on a technological babbling spree, as a hint to keep her mouth shut and turned instead to the stage where a trio of level one agents were taking the stage. There was a soft hush that passed over the watching agents, all of them leaning forward, munching on snacks they'd smuggled into the hall, and the lights went down shortly after. Music started in the background and-holy shit! There were people that could juggle knives here!? And to think that she worked with that desk agent (though for the life of her she couldn't remember his name. It would come to her later, she just knew it.) Her eyes grew wide as she watched him add a fifth knife to what he was already throwing, and then just as easily he threw them all onto a target, hitting each one dead on.

How the hell was he just a desk agent?

Following him came a woman who could sing so well Darcy swore she saw even Fury tear up at the last chords of "Defying Gravity," after which the whole auditorium erupted into applause. After her came a monologue Darcy didn't understand in Elvish, though she thought it sounded lovely all the same. Someone had signed their kids up to dress as the Avengers to reenact the battle of Manhattan, with several agents playing Chitauri foot soldiers and leviathans. From near the front of the stage Darcy could hear Tony goading on the little girl who played Iron Man, telling her to kick some ass. There was a quiet admonishment from what sounded like Steve afterwards, who then cheered the loudest when the little boy playing him hit his parent with the plastic shield he'd had bought, sending the Chitauri "flying" backwards. Darcy had the stupidest grin on her face when the Hulk "smashed" Loki, in which a young child pushed the agent dressed up as the god of mischief to the ground and started wailing on his chest. It looked as though Loki was trying not to laugh, and Darcy wondered how Bruce felt about the way that the Hulk gave a particularly loud roar before doing their best to body slam the downed villain. All in all, Darcy was sure her heart grew three sizes by the end of the skit, and again the crowd gave a standing ovation to them all. The little Thor even threw his fake Mjolnir, which was promptly thrown right back.

Darcy swore he almost fainted he was so happy.

There were a few more musical performances, a rousing magic show, and one very handsome Brit who gave a damn good rendition of Hamlet's "To be or not to be" monologue that choked Darcy up, just a little. It was her favorite play, dammit. Even Fury seemed impressed. There were more weapons specialists come to show just how profficient they were at their craft, a man who could contort his body in ways Darcy was sure not even Natasha could manage, and finally the last act came up. Rather than including the names of the agents there had been just one name, a band name Darcy had supposed, and the stage went dark as four people stepped onto it. She thought she recognized the tall one, but with their backs to them she wasn't sure. But that ass looked so familiar.

Oh. My. God.

The minute the song had started Darcy's heart had leapt into her throat, and then the four men had turned one by one, their heads tilted down, as a spotlight shone on each one in turn. No way. No freaking way.

Why the hell was Clint wearing a pair of rose colored glasses? And why did they each have to be wearing a black cut off and pair of _way_ too tight jeans that were just . . . oh God were those _highlights_ in Steve's perfect blond hair?!

How Tony Stark had talked the other male Avengers into singing (and yes, they were actually singing-she never knew Bruce had such a lovely voice) "Quit Playing Games (With My Heart)" and "Larger than Life" by The Backstreet Boys Darcy would never be able to work out, but she was so glad that he did. They had it all choreographed, complete with numerous, exaggerated arm movements, synced hip movements and head bobs. Tony even had given them all working earpieces so they looked as authentic as possible.

Needless to say there wasn't a person left sitting by the time they'd finished, all leaning back as though they were the cool kids, Clint having removed his glasses to stare soulfully at Phil sitting in the front row.

What Darcy would've given to see his face.

"Dear God, I give them three days off and this is what happens?" Fury muttered from beside Darcy, who was screaming herself hoarse as she clapped. The Director looked very much like he wished he'd sat somewhere else, and eventually the screaming and cheering died down enough that the assembled agents and talent show participants could file out. After saying a quick goodbye to Fury, Darcy rushed up to the guys, grinning so wide her cheeks actually were sore.

"Y'know, I pegged you all for N'Sync more than Backstreet Boys. Steve you're more of a Timberlake than a Carter."

"And there's only four of them," Natasha offered from between Tony and Bruce, surprising them all. She shrugged away their surprised stares. "What? I'm not allowed to enjoy 90s boy bands? And Stark, I thought you said you didn't want to be part of Fury's, what was it, 'super secret boy band'?"

"Oh but this is so much better." Tony grinned, wrapping an arm around Bruce's shoulders. Darcy just grinned. They were so doing the same thing next year, and she'd be damned if there weren't pyrotechnics and a whole lot more the next time around.

* * *

A/N: So, I wrote a thing because the idea of said thing made me laugh for ten minutes straight. I hope you liked it, and I hope I wrote Darcy well enough, it's my first time attempting her, and I have to say I loved it. Title comes from the song of the same name by The Backstreet Boys. Fic 18/50


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